We’ve heard that beauty is only skin deep. In our superficial society that definitely seems to be true. The perfect hair. Flawless skin. A sculpted body. That’s what so many strive for. It’s what keeps us up at night. It is a huge factor in why we exercise and watch what we eat.
We cut, scrape, wax, shave, pluck, file, inject, dye, bleach, nip, tuck, paint, tan, scrub, smear, brush, blot, curl, and straighten. Some of us slather gunk on our faces and let it dry until we can’t blink or smile then peel it off hoping to reveal a fresh new face. We force ourselves into shape wear that is so tight we can hardly breathe just so we don’t jiggle as much. We spend a small fortune to get our hair and nails done on a regular basis. We shell out our hard earned salaries on cosmetics and beauty products and tools. Some go to extreme measures to look a little better. No wonder the beauty industry generates more than $55 Billion every year!
Am I saying we should all just roll out of bed in the morning and face the world as is? Heck, NO! I mean, we have to consider hygiene! I, myself, do most of the things I listed above. I’ll be the first to admit that I have an unhealthy relationship with my Spanx! I don’t think that there is necessarily anything wrong with doing the things that make us feel good about ourselves. We just need to be careful that we don’t rely on these things to give us our identity.
We all have insecurities. Every woman I have ever met has at least one thing they would change about themselves. My biggest struggle, personally, is my weight. I have battled my weight for my entire adult life. I know how to lose weight. I have done it many times. Just when I think I have it all figured out and I’m on the right track, something derails me and I backslide. I can’t tell you how many tears I’ve cried and how many prayers I have prayed over this constant burden. I have shaken my fist at God and asked “why me” and blamed him for messing me up. I have thought so many times if only this one thing was fixed, my life would be perfect!
I can tell you without a doubt that people generally treat you differently when you look different. It became more evident to me when I lost a great deal of weight and began to look more “normal”. I suddenly felt more accepted and less judged. I was on a personal high. Then, following the pattern of my life, I was derailed. A blessed derailment - I became pregnant with our third child - but an unexpected change that led to a gradual backslide. Once I gave birth to our sweet baby girl, I struggled to get back on track. I did well for a while and then someone close to me hurt my feelings very badly and I let those words sink deep into my soul. I pretty much gave up on myself after that resulting in me gaining back a lot of the weight I had worked so hard to lose. I feel the sting of judgement now more than ever. I can hear people thinking “Wow, she really let herself go!” and “She was doing so well…what happened?” I’m not too naive to recognize that these are the thoughts coming from my own frustrated insecurities and I only assume that everyone I come in contact with feels the same. That negative self-talk is how Satan gets his foot hold. “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)
The problem is that I have let my weight define me. I’m always the “fat girl” in the back of the picture. I’m quick to scan a room to see if there is another heavy mom so I don’t stand out as much. I try to present myself well to compensate (read: hide) my insecurities about my weight. I rarely leave the house without make up, I spend a lot of money on my hair and nails, and I try to smile and look confident. I dress as nicely as I can with the limited wardrobe I have and almost always wear jewelry. But I’m not hiding from the One that matters the most. He knows my heart and that’s what He sees.
We can take a lesson from Samuel. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. When he met Jesse’s first son, Eliab, he assumed that he was the one that God had sent. He sure looked the part! But God made it very clear that Eliab was not the right man for the job. “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7b). This went on as each of Jesse’s sons passed before Samuel. Seven big strapping lads that looked like they could handle anything that came their way, yet, God knew their heart wasn’t right for His plan. Little David wasn’t even given a second thought until Samuel was like, “What else ya got, Jesse?” When David arrived before Samuel, God surprised them all when He said, “Rise and anoint him; this is the one.” (1 Sam 16:12b)
We need to be so careful about letting our eyes decide who is worthy of our time and attention. What kind of relationships are we missing out on because we can’t get past the way a person looks or dresses? How many among us desire to connect with other women, but feel insecure because they have been judged in the past? How can we show God’s love to those who need it most if we avoid getting to know people who are different from us?
A tattooed, grizzly looking man dressed in leather and straddling a Harley might be judged as a drug addicted thug. He is a child of God. He had a rough childhood and holds a lot of hurt inside. He leads a bible study in his home every week and volunteers at the local women’s shelter.
A homeless man sitting on the street corner begging for change may be judged as unmotivated. He was created by our Father. He lost his job after missing too much work to care for his sick mother. He couldn’t keep up with his rent payments so he lost his home. He’s just trying to make ends meet while he gets back on his feet. He feels lonely and ashamed and longs for someone to make him feel loved. Who will introduce him to our Jesus?
An overweight woman may appear to be lazy and careless. She is a daughter of the King. She wants so desperately to lose those extra pounds, but emotions fuel her addiction to food. She feels like an outsider and just wants someone to see her for the person she is on the inside.
A beautiful, put together, seemingly perfect lady may be judged as stuck up and prideful. She was crafted by the Creator. She feels lonely because so many of the women at her church avoid her. She just wants to be known as a good friend and mentor, but so many women won’t look past her outward appearance to get to know her heart.
How will we ever know the hearts, the hurts, the joys, the needs of these people if we never give them more than a glance? “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23) These are the characteristics that God looks for in His children. How can we see these things in others if we dismiss them because they don’t “look” like someone we would want to know? Matthew 7 reminds us not to hold others to a standard higher than that which we hold ourselves. We are also warned to not be fooled by someone because they look like a “nice” person. “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them.” (Matthew 7:15-16)
Let’s agree to love more like Jesus. Everyone deserves a chance to be loved. When we judge others by their outsides, Satan curls his mustache around his crooked finger and takes pleasure in the way we are helping him carry out his destructive plan. “Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” (1 Peter 5:9) Every one of us was knit lovingly together by the Master’s own hands. Each of us is different, but we are all loved the same by God.
